yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
