You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
