she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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