After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
