RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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