i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
