I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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