Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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