I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
