my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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