is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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