turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
