wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
