No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
