I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
