Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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