My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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