Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
