Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
