We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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