Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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