you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
