well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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