Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
