He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
