it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
