Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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