hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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