I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
