Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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