Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
