You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
