Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
