we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
