I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
