If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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