Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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