You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
