all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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