Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
