What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The best revenge is premature balding
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
