He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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