Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
