i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
