smell my finger.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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