I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
