i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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