I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
