i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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