the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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