Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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