Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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